I Made a Wrong Turn

When he left me, i was more than hurt. I was completely broken. I cried a lot everyday.

I knew you would always be there for me and I'll forever have a soft spot in your heart so I came running to you. It could've been a decent and friendly type of comfort you've given.. but it turned out to be something else. I began feeling the desire to have you back. That was improper. Immediately, we're in this situation that's very complicated. Solely because of my wrongdoings.

You're not the one to blame. This is all on me.. I knew you can never say no to me hence I took advantage of it. You were a band aide.

Days went on and little by little the band aid solution is wearing out. I felt dying inside again. I was very sad again.

We all know how our relationship ended.. How you treated me and what you did that contributed to our relationship to fall apart.

Unlike you.. He has seen me as me and loved me for who I am and what I can offer. Apart from telling me every day that I am beautiful, he made me feel that I was the most beautiful.. (For him, I guess.) He made me feel that I am the hottest, smartest, and strongest girl he has ever met. Best in bed. Best girl he ever had. Every day, he never fails to remind me how important I am and how much he loves me. He was so happy and proud to have me as his girl.

As compared to what you did.. All you did was make me feel bad about how I look.. How I carry myself.. And how I see life.. You'd befriend girls with half naked photos and lust on them. You even had sex with a prostitute to release that lust. I wasn't good enough for you.. Never I was.

Now, I remember why our relationship didn't work out. I wasn't enough. You want someone else. Someone that's not me..

We've been dating again for a month now.. Slept in 1 bed.. Shared nights and kisses. Not a single sign of me on all your social media accounts.. Ashamed? Or perhaps keeping me as a secret so you can continue whatever you've started with the girl/s you dated / you're dating.

Those talented, pretty, and petite girls you dated / you're dating.. In your eyes I am no match for them. I was never the girl of your dreams.. But in my heart, I know.. There is someone.. Out there.. Who sees me differently. Someone who once made me feel that I am wanted. He once made me feel that I am the girl he was praying for. Like I was everything he ever wanted.

I.. I want.. I want to feel that again.. That I am wanted.. I am loved.. That someone is so happy and proud to have me.

After a month of seeing you and being with you again.. I did not feel that. Right now, I think.. It'll be best if I won't be with any man. I'm sorry. This was all my fault.